MINISTRY WITH YOUTH AND YOUNG ADULTS – PART 3
by Karen Matthias-Long
[Note: There's more to say that just these three parts! Tomorrow, in Part 4, I will address ideas for doing ministry with and among youth and young adults.]
CHANGING BEHAVIORS AND ATTITUDES
What are churches doing – or not doing – that lead youth and young adults to leave the church?
What behaviors and attitudes are churches willing to give up or change in order to minister more effectively to and with youth and young adults?
Do you remember Aesop’s fable called, “The Little Red Hen?” Here is a rap version of the story:
“The Little Red Hen”
What if the story was told in the following way instead? See if anything here sounds familiar to you:
A Little Red Hen told her friends, “I’m going to bake some bread. But, first I have to grind the wheat.”
“May I help?” asked the pig.
“May I help?” asked the cow.
“May I help?” asked the duck.
“No,” she said. “You are too noisy and that will distract me. You don’t even have the right clothes for the job.”
When she was done gathering the wheat, the hen told her friends, “Now I’m going to grind the wheat.”
Again, each of her friends asked if they could help. “No,” she responded. “I’d rather you not help. There’s really only one right way to do it. And I really don’t think you’re responsible enough. Thanks anyway.”
When she was done grinding the wheat, she told her friends, “I’m going to knead the dough.” Again, her friends asked if they could help. “Listen. I really appreciate your asking me. But, you’re just too young to help me with a job like this. When you get older you can help knead the dough. Today, I’m going to do it all by myself.”
The hen kneaded the bread and put it in the oven. Now the animals could smell the bread cooking. They would have enjoyed being with the hen, but she turned them away so many other times that they just wandered off to see if they could help someone who actually needed them. When the hen came out of the kitchen to announce to her friends that the bread was done, she was surprised than none of them were there. So, she ate the bread alone, missing her companions more with every bite that she took.
“Where are they?”
“What can we do to get them back?”
“After confirmation they drop out. Why aren’t they here?”
HOSPITALITY
Many of our churches put stumbling blocks in the way of our children and youth – and yes, even young adults. We can be unwelcoming to our young people – and our young people know when they are not being welcomed. They are fully aware of the judgmental voices that tell them that they don’t dress appropriately, they’re too noisy, they’re too young and they’re not responsible enough.
Jesus has some strong words for those of us who put stumbling blocks such as these in the paths of our young people. “If any one of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6-7)
Jesus also says, “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.” (Matthew 18:5)
The first behavioral change congregations need to make is to practice hospitality to all its members, to be welcoming to all. It begins at baptism when a child is welcomed to God’s family. When we truly welcome young ones, they will have that sense of belonging to something bigger than themselves. When they are welcomed, they are appreciated for the gifts they bring to the body of Christ. So often we make the mistake of believing that adults are the only ones who can teach us about God’s love. And, we also think that adults are the only ones who can really do the work of the church. In my experience, I have found that children and youth have taught me about God’s love – and children are quite capable of sharing in the mission of the church….
….Just yesterday, during the children’s sermon, the pastor asked them, “Can you think of a very special gift you were given?” A six year old piped up, “Myself!” End of sermon.
….Several years ago, I worked in a congregation 
where the pastors had a three year old son. When he went to go to the altar for a blessing with one of his parents during communion, he turned to his parent – as the parent was receiving communion – and asked, “Can I eat a blessing, too?”
….In a congregation that I served several years ago, one of the lectors was an eight year old boy. The lessons were read behind the altar. This young boy could barely reach the top of the altar, his head appearing just above it. But, he read those lessons well – and I heard the words from scripture as if for the first time.
….When I lived in Reading, a young man came to church every Sunday with his hair dyed a different color – blue, green, red and black mixed together – all different colors. He came every Sunday because people welcomed him and were not put off by the colors in his hair. When he graduated, he went to college to study theology. I don’t think this would have happened if the congregation hadn’t been accepting of him.
….A couple of young women in our synod’s Lutheran youth organization told the story of how they were unwelcome in the kitchen of their congregation. Not atypical of many congregations, there was a small group of women who felt as though they owned the kitchen. Even the pastor could be scolded if he got into the kitchen drawers! These were a smart group of young women – and they turned the tables on these women. They went to these women and asked for help. “We want to have a dinner to raise money so that we can attend the youth gathering,” they told the women. “But, we feel uncomfortable in the kitchen and we were hoping you would show us how to throw this dinner party.” The older women were delighted to be asked – and they worked side-by-side with the youth. The youth went to these women a couple times – until the older women finally realized that these youth could handle the kitchen by themselves! Thankfully, these younger women were not put off by the controlling older women. What would happen in congregations where the older folks would reach out intentionally to welcome young people to share in the ministry of the congregation? What if they took the initiative to invite youth to learn different skills, working side-by-side AND and were open to learning from the young people in turn?
TIMING IS EVERYTHING
Most congregations begin to think about youth ministry when young people start the confirmation program. To begin to think about youth ministry as they start confirmation is way too late. This is not a new idea – but many congregations haven’t really grasped the significance of this yet. Churches need to change the way they view youth ministry. It begins at baptism – and maybe it begins even before that with the expectant parents!
What if…
- an older couple in the congregation were asked to mentor these expectant parents? Some of their responsibilities might include praying for the young couple, teaching them prayers to say with their children, and checking in with them from time to time just to say hello or to see if they have any questions or concerns.
- a small group ministry for parents with children began with baptism instruction with the pastor? A couple with slightly older children could gather this group of new parents together for the purpose of Bible study and sharing questions and concerns about raising children.
- older members were invited to pray for one child throughout the year? As part of this ministry, the adult could send the child a card on the anniversary of his or her baptism.
- adults made the attempt to talk with children, to welcome them by physically getting down to their level to ask something as simple as, “Did you do anything exciting this week?”
- the pastor – and other adults – knew the names of all the young people in the congregation?
As mentioned in part 2 of my blog, relationships are important to youth and young adults. Relationship building must start earlier than the time when youth reach confirmation age. Building relationships begins at baptism.
THE BODY OF CHRIST
One of the biggest gifts that the church has is that it is the one place where folks of all ages gather together during the week. One of my biggest gripes is that as soon as we enter the building, we separate ourselves immediately into different age groups for Sunday school classes and other activities. Paul talks about the body of Christ in 1 Corinthians 12 and how we need the arms, the legs, the eyes – all parts to make a body function. We all have gifts in this wonderful body of Christ. But, when we get to church on Sunday morning, it is as if we put all the arms in one room, all the legs in another room, all the eyes in yet another room….well, you get my point!
Sometimes it is important to meet according to age groups. But, we can learn so much from each other across generations! One of the shifts congregations need to make, I believe, is to make cross generational ministry a priority. How about having a cross-generational Sunday school once a month? Or how about having such a Sunday school during the summer months? What might this look like?
In one congregation I served, we spent the whole month of July looking at the 
story of Noah’s Ark. We started with a breakfast buffet each Sunday. There were table discussion starters on the paper place mats – questions about Noah’s story, questions about favorite animals and more. Most everyone (even the 2 or 3 year old) could answer at least one of the questions. Then we paired an adult with a younger person, by drawing slips of paper from a hat. The adult and youth pair sat together and drew a name of an animal from another hat. They were given Crayola model magic and each were to mold the animal out of the modeling material. The following week, they painted their animals. Meanwhile, someone in the congregation made a huge wooden ark for our creations. We even raised money each week to buy a cow through the Heifer Project. We sang songs and we prayed together. It was great fun – and it was a great way to build relationships across generations.
On any Sunday, everyone could gather in a large space (such as a fellowship hall) for Sunday school and divide into smaller mixed age groups of about 6-8 folks. Conversation in the small group group could start by inviting everyone to share a great thing that happened during the week and a low point during the week. Then the group could study that Sunday’s gospel text together.
There are many ways to delve into scripture. Here is one idea: One person in the group volunteers to read the gospel lesson for the day. Then everyone spends time drawing a picture that somehow relates to that lesson. When everyone is done with the drawing, each person is invited to talk about his or her picture. Another way to study scripture together is by using the African Bible study method. This can be quite powerful, especially since members of the group pray for one another in the group at the conclusion. There are other ways to do cross generational studies. These are just two ideas.
Worship can also be a place of mixing generations. So often the only role a young person plays in worship is serving as an acolyte. But, youth can serve as ushers, greeters, and readers. They can serve on the altar guild. They can assist with communion and lead the prayers. What if an adult were an acolyte instead of a young person from time-to-time? Coffee hour could also be structured in a way where children, youth, and adults could interact with each other and share their faith stories.
Even our social ministry work can – and should - involve folks of different ages. I know from experience that people who receive “Meals on Wheels” are delighted when one of the persons who helps deliver the food is a young person. Involve children as well as youth and adults in working for the food bank. Families could “adopt a shut in” and visit this person regularly. There are many opportunities to “mix it up” generationally doing social ministry work.
CONCLUSION
The bottom line for me is recognizing that ministry with and among youth and young adults begins before they begin confirmation. It begins at baptism and continues through building relationships with others in the congregation across generations. It includes full participation of young members of our church in the ministry of the congregation. No matter what age someone is, that person has gifts to share.
At the heart of it all is a congregation that practices a ministry of hospitality for everyone!
Tomorrow: Ideas for Ministry Among Youth and Adults
